Here I am sitting at the car wheel alignment place waiting for the wheels to be balanced. I haven’t blogged for ages as a lot has happened and I haven’t felt up to the challenge. Best blogged in a place where my tears are only on the inside.
On Thursday 1 May I was at the Nelson airport about to head up to Whangarei for the ICT cluster mini-conference. The plane was delayed so I thought I would give my dear Mum a quick call on her cell phone at the rest home to say farewell before I left. As I rang a new voice answered saying that Mum had had a fall and was having multiple seizures and they had called an ambulance.
I was able to get my suitcase back from the flight attendants and call a taxi. The driver was great and I managed to beat the ambulance to the rest home and go with Mum to the hospital. The doctors at the hospital were fabulous and got Mum all the attention she needed immediately. A volunteer of the St John’s Ambulance stayed with me at that time as well and told me it would be all right- there was going to be a way through this.
After the necessary CAT scans and X-rays we were transferred to a medical ward. Mum nearly died just then but hung on in a coma from which she never emerged. I called my good friend Nikki who dropped everything and came immediately to be with Mum and I. She stayed a while and prayed with Mum and I which was very comforting. They jacked me up with a fold-up bed in Mum’s room and my vigil began.
Danny was able to fly over from Wellington to be with us for the weekend and was able to share the load as I whipped home for a quick shower each day. He flew back to Wellington on Sunday and I called for my cousin, Chris, to come to be with Mum. He was wonderful during the week as good friends came by to give comfort and support.
As I went home each day and via Twitter through my cell phone I was able to keep contact with my on-line friends and I was humbled and comforted by the support offered from people I had never met. These people were so warm and caring and I felt uplifted by their direct messages.
Exactly one week later Mum passed away as I wished her well on her journey to join Judy, Dad and her tiny grandson, Jeffery. I was so pleased that I was there for her right through to the end.
Mum’s funeral was lovely with a mixture of love, laughter and tears. I had whipped up town to buy a decent iPod set of speakers and I made a iPhoto slideshow of photos from Mum’s life that started the service. My new MacBook Pro let me down with the slideshow I had prepared skipping during playback of iTunes- I felt like chucking it in the river but Sherryn did maginicently through trembling hands to operate the computer and iPod.
The celebrant for the Methodist Church where Mum and Dad got married was excellent- she just led the service and tied the pieces together and let it flow. Sherryn and Janice did the computer work and Liz videoed the service for Amy in the UK who has just started her big OE and was not able to come back home.
We sung Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art, Dad’s favourites. Chris, Tom, Danny and I spoke to Mum and it was very moving to hear how Mum had touched the lives of so many people. Chris, Alan, Tom, Danny, Ruth and I were pall bearers and as people left the service for refreshments we asked them to place a momento for Mum on her coffin. Ruth, Colleen and I had made scrapbooked cards featuring some of the joys in Mum’s life- photos of family and friends, bubble plastic to pop, crossword puzzles, Mainland Banner, our rugby heroes, Woman’s Weekly &Woman’s Day magazines, talkback radio, knitting, sewing, baking, her garden, bowls, collecting recipes, netball, our afternoon teas, life.
This video shows the slideshow we showed at the beginning of the service.
Here is what I said for Mum...
My Mum was my best friend. She was the kindest, cutest, funniest lady. Everytime that Grandma said something so quick and clever Amy would let her know just how very cute she was. She cared for her family deeply and would never want to be a trouble to anyone.
These last six months since Mum first got sick I have come to grow ever closer to her as our lives became more intertwined with visits and outings. She was always grateful for the little things I was able to do for her and every night she would say thank you for tucking her in with her bean bag for the night. She often asked me to hold her tight and I did my best to do just that. We looked forward to our afternoon tea outings and must have visited every combination of afternoon tea place twice in Nelson over the last six months.
I was particularly pleased that I took leave for term three of last year to help her get settled into the rest home and also for me to take stock of my own health as well. In a way Mum’s illness led me to be able to make better choices to look after myself.
She was so proud of her children and grandchildren. Judy’s passing affected the whole family deeply and Mum did her best to be there for Tom, Danny and Amy during that difficult time. Danny and Amy are the light in our eyes and Grandma loved them to bits.
She loved me and nurtured me and was so proud of my achievements- encouraging and interested always in what I was getting up to on my ‘video’.
Mum had a hard start in life and was determined not to let anyone repeat the mistakes of her parents. She worked hard to make a life with Dad and our photo albums attest to how hard she had to work to do just that. When they bought the house at 39 Collingwood Street from her maternal grandfather it was overgrown and neglected. Mum said that the hydrangeas were almost that big that they overwhelmed the back garden. It was a small two bedroom house with an open verandah where the lounge room is now and Dad relined it and they built a third bedroom so Nana could live with us while Mum reclaimed the garden.
Mum worked in a variety of jobs to support the family and I remember her supervising us after school through the window of Freeth’s furniture shop next door.
When Judy’s twins were born and Jeffery was ill Mum left her job as grocery assistant to go to Wellington to be there for Judy and Tom through that difficult time.
There is supposed to be an order to the cycle of life and watching your tiny grandson and then a husband and daughter pass away was so hard for her to bear.
My Mum was my best friend. She was the kindest, cutest, funniest lady much loved by her friends and family. Every day she made me laugh and my life is so much richer having her as my mother. Thank you Mum. I hold you tight in my heart always.
About three weeks ago Mum had said that she thought she had done her dash and was ready to move on. She told me I was her best friend and I was not to grieve for long. I think now that she felt she was getting weaker as Parkinson’s Disease was starting to grasp her more firmly in its grip. She had told me that Amy was not come back for a funeral but I didn’t think it would be this soon.
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